Boring
by Kasai-Kama
Summary: Izuru is bored while Komaeda rambles. But maybe he'll eventually say something interesting. Major spoilers for SDR2 Not explicitly romantic but Kamaeda/Hinata is mentioned


My gaze drifted away from the dull scenery outside to Komaeda's bright smile. I observed his wild white hair, so contrasted to my sleek dark mane, with the same lazy lull of the eyes I watched the trees sway with. At some point I realized he was talking to me. I sat up a little straighter to mimic interest. I tried to recall anything he'd said, but it was as hopeless as trying to recall being the boy he'd fallen in love with. I wondered idly if that was why he clung to me so. Despite my complete transformation, perhaps he still caught a glimpse of what I used to be.

"...to me are you?" I blinked, slowly. He sighed and smiled, almost looked to be pitying me.

"That's okay, I don't know why you'd even allow me to speak in your presence anyway. I'm sure I was boring you."

"You are."

"Oh my apologies! Should I stop talking then?"

"I don't care." He smiled even wider, the previous cheerfulness having returned. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. He continued to prattle on about whatever it was and I continued to look around the empty classroom. Just an empty, boring classroom meant to teach things I'd already learned. My eyes dropped down to his one fidgeting hand and the pencil inside it. At first I thought he was merely scribbling away in nervousness, or maybe boredom. Probably boredom, Komaeda is one of the only people who hardly becomes unnerved in my presence.

But he wasn't scribbling, he was actually drawing something. Nothing noteworthy, especially not by Super High School Level standards. But it was the subject rather than the quality that interested me. Well, a little.

"Is that me?" I frowned, realizing I hadn't waited for a pause in his chattering and we'd waste seconds coming to an understanding.

"N-no? You didn't even go to the same middle school-"

"No, this," I interrupted, pointing to the the corner of his paper.

"Oh! Well, yeah, it is. I know it's probably nothing compared to your talent-" I held out my hand and his mouth snapped shut. He handed the paper over and apparently his positive demeanor as well. He looked embarrassed, worse, ashamed even.

I took in the miniature me, rounded cheeks and dramatically flowing hair. Not quite accurate but still recognizable. I took in the expression. Deadpan. Bored. Disinterested. It was dead on.

"Why would you draw me? Art is meant to inspire emotions. This is just a blank face." He shifted in his seat and Junko's nails clicked against the surface of the desk softly.

"I think you inspire plenty of emotions."

"As a symbol and as a person, yes. As a physical rendition of myself, this lacks the only emotion I inspire with my appearance; fear. Why depict me with the absence of the single most defining physical attribute?"

"Your appearance inspires more than just fear you know! You've fallen into despair...but your story is full of hope! While Hope's Peak Academy's experiment had catastrophic effects, it did essentially succeed. You gained so much talent!" I slammed the paper against the desk and he jumped.

"Yet I still inspire fear and you still avoid my question. You didn't draw this, especially not in such a romanticized way, to symbolize hope." He frowned down at my double and drew in two small lines at the corners of my mouth.

"Sometimes art isn't inspirational. Sometimes it's just meant to be pretty. And...I know you're not...quite Hinata. But...I still think you're beautiful." He continued to stare down at the paper, and I continued to stare at him. He didn't seem to want to add anything, and I was quickly becoming agitated with the lack of distraction from my boredom. I stared until he looked up, and continued as he spoke.

"I know you've given up. I know that having all this talent...has made it seem like your capacity for self improvement has been taken away. But...even if you're good at everything, you can be unhappy, and you are. I can't say 'find something that makes you happy' because you'll be great at everything, and it'll bore you. But...you can try to be happy again. You don't have to be what Hinata was, but you can try and be happy." I narrowed my eyes but he held fast. How could this boy see right through me and yet still be so completely wrong? I had no doubts that he was intelligent, but his brain worked in such odd ways his intelligence was nearly useless in comparison to his broken mind. I took the paper and flipped it over. I quickly drew his head and shaded in the left half.

"Imagine your luck as two parts of you, your good luck and your bad luck." He stared at the paper blankly but I assumed his understanding.

"Hope's Peak has essentially given you a choice between 50% good and bad luck, and 100% luck. You foolishly accept, trusting in your luck and your leaders. In my case, my bad luck struck here. I became 100% bad luck."

"I understand it in terms of luck but...what did you really become 100% of?"

"Nothing. They took my ability to be me. I've come to understand that having talent, having things you excel in and fail at, are part of who you are as an individual, as a human being. It helps shape your personality. Eliminating the possibility to find strengths and weaknesses has not only made me unable to grow as a person, it's made me unable to BE a person. Everything that could possibly make me happy was stripped away when I became the ultimate SHSL. Because I have nothing to strive for. Essentially, all that was left were Hajime's negative emotions. But those emotions no longer have any connection to me. Having no desires means having no disappointments, the things he cared enough about to be upset over no longer matter to me, I can't even recall what they were. So I am nothing. An empty shell of negative emotions that I no longer feel. I am simply whatever I'm told to do. Told to be. I guess in that aspect; I'm just as broken as you."

He sat quietly for some time before I got bored again and my eyes wandered out to the swaying trees again. I knew he was upset, but I was surprised to find arms around my neck. My immediate thought was to pull his head back until his neck snapped but I froze instead. He must've been uncomfortable reaching across the desk but stayed there for longer than my patience was comfortable with.

"Get off of me Komaeda." He obeyed.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry about all of this too. I guess I've been treating you like you're just depressed or something without really understanding at all." He wiped at his eyes and slumped into the back of his seat.

"Of course you didn't understand, you still can't fully comprehend it, the only person who's ever had to experience it is me. I don't understand your frustration."

"I'm frustrated that I almost think it's hopeless!"

"It is."

"It's not! See, that's the beautiful thing about hope, nothing is ever hopeless. Hope prevails just existing so long as someone still does. And I do have hope for you."

"Hope for me?" I laughed despite myself. A hollow, mocking sound.

"No Komaeda you have hope for yourself. Hope that you can save me, restore me to my former self, and be loved." He winced and shook his head.

"No, I don't want to be loved, I couldn't...Hinata..I don't deserve him. I don't deserve you either. No...I don't hope he'll come back and see what I truly am, and I don't hope to drag him down by being the object of his affections. Especially after I fell to despair, more than once. I probably deserve to be with someone perfect and never ever be good enough for them, but even I don't want that for myself, or him. I don't know if Hinata can ever exist again, I don't know if either of you can be happy. But I have hope. That at least you'll be content. I'm not the person to get you to that point of course, but if I can be of any help I will be. Besides, I think I already am."

I narrowed my eyes and leaned back in my seat.

"And how is that?"

"Do you know why the Future Foundation let you in here? Without any guards or anything I mean?"

"I'm still being monitored."

"We both are, but do you know why we're allowed to be alone together?"

"I'm assuming it has something to do with a deal I'm unaware of?"

"No no, nothing like that. It's...because of the time we spent together. I know you don't remember much of the simulation but as far as we knew, we'd just met. We were friendly. I even helped calm you down according to you."

"According to Hajime."

"Well yes, but you were already you when they put us in there. They tweaked some stuff, made us forget the despair. But that just proves its possible for us to be that way again. I remember a lot of stuff. I was happy. Eventually, my friends couldn't understand my line of thinking, but you, you became the ultimate hope just like I predicted. Do you understand now?"

"No."

"They think I can help you. It makes some sense, you're so full of despair and I'm so full of hope, and YOU proved hope is stronger. Maybe I do want to see Hinata again, maybe that's impossible. But whoever you are I have faith in, hope for, and you can have hope too."

"I don't see how this proves that you already have helped me change in any way."

"Do you want to know?"

"Yes."

"You see? You're always so detached and cold, uninterested in anything. But you _want_ to know. You're holding a conversation and you're not faking it." I felt a little disgusted at his observation. I hid it well, but my frown deepened nonetheless. I couldn't believe I'd been outsmarted. I stayed quiet and watched him, waiting for more information before responding. He beamed at me and I realized my lack of retort only served as proof of his theory. I sneered silently, frustrated.

"You're showing emotion, holding a conversation, and you're genuinely interested in it. That's so much progress than you ever even thought possible and all it took was just you paying attention. You see? You're capable of so much more than you realize. You really are the ultimate SHSL!" His grin widened and his teeth matched the white of his skin, his hair, his shirt. For a moment I allowed myself to imagine him without his physical and mental ailments, a true symbol of hope. It was sickening how well it suited him. I turned away.

"Being frustrated with your nonsense isn't quite the same as healing a shattered sense of self."

"But it's progress! And that's enough to give me enough hope to keep trying. See? Nothing is hopeless!"

I glared out the window and forced the bile back down into my stomach before I started to zone out again. I couldn't care less what he had to say, just the sight of him was frustrating and sickening now. I turned and leered over at the camera in the corner of the room.

"We're done here."


End file.
